“There’s no CRYING in Baseball” A story about a woman's lack of Emotional Control.

Tom Hanks couldn’t have been more right as he yelled at an emotionally unstable Geena Davis in the 80’s hit movie A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN.  

Flash forward 20 years to a few weeks ago when I learned first hand why.  I had the opportunity for an impromptu meeting with my more then busy boss.  I had been planning to call a meeting to discuss a few matter that were pretty deeply heartfelt.  I had laid out a plan, a systematic approach to the matters at hand and even  probable solutions to my dilemmas.  The meeting was not life or death by any means. In fact, what I had to say probably was all in a day's work for my boss.  But I had the opportunity to talk on the spur of the moment so I went in EMOTIONALLY unprepared.  Embarrassing as it sounds, I’ll be honest, I took one look at his face and my eyes started to well up.  

(Please understand that I spent the better part of my life in the theater training to be emotionally available at the drop of a hat ...at least that’s my excuse:)

I could see the smiling corners of his mouth turn down and his eye took on a very serious stare. He was probably expecting me to tell him I had a rare inoperable form of cancer.  Fear not, it was nothing of the sort.

I immediately apologized for my lack of emotional control cleared my throat and proceeded to go over my presentation without a tear … BUT the damage had been done.   We agreed on all matters and all went well, but there was something there that I couldn’t shake all night.  Here is what it was.

As soon as a tear hit my face our communication stopped working right and he went into “help the crying woman” man mode.  He was sideswiped and thrown off track by my emotions. He was left on an uneven playing field for open communication.  What if I didn’t like what he had to say, would I cry again?  It wasn’t fair and it is not fair. So I thought long and hard on this and here is what I came up with.

Men have natural aggressive urges to fight and behave in dominance, but modern society has demanded these behaviors be adapted in men because they are proven to be out of control and dangerous.  Meanwhile, us ladies are free to express our emotional state and go around crying and having mood swings that are supposedly justifiable.  I say BS!  

It’s time to cut the crap and save your bad day crying fit for your bedroom and your trusty pillow.  Yes, men need to get out that aggression still and have found safe and healthy ways to do so.  Us ladies need to follow suit and find ways to curb that PMS and shoestring emotional state.

I  chalked it all up to probably just being me and my past theater experience. I vowed to keep working on this mountain and carried on.

Right after my incident I was coaching a KOKORO camp and had a lady going through.  She performed well and had plenty of strengths to make it through the camp, this was obvious.  She began to cry about 10 hours into the event and it wasn’t just crying.. she was bawling! Her male teammates were horrified and the male coaching staff assisted  with her pack.  It all became crystal clear to me. She didn’t mean to manipulate the situation, but her lack of emotional control dominated the whole evolution. Flashback from that event to several KOKORO’s that I have assisted with.  I can clearly remember several elite Crossfit Games Female Athletes doing this same this, bawling like someone died.  I get it!  I don’t blame them, but I do hope that we all can do a much better job than this.  

It is time to step up and take accountability for this lack of emotional control and do something about it.  It is natural but it is NOT ok to render others helpless to our emotional state.  So here is my plan.

1. No crying at the place of work, unless I take some time to “get it out” in a private place.
2. No crying at parties.  We have all witnessed the drunk girl crying her eyes out at the bar or party.  If you're feeling unstable, call and UBER and get going home. IT’s A PARTY for god sake.
3. No crying at restaurants.  This is a public place and the other guests have the right to a calm peaceful good time.  Think of it as a public party.

It’s a start anyway.  BTW a touching tear rolling down the ole cheek as your BFF is proposed to is a-ok!  No sobbing because you're never a bride and always the bridesmaid:) Save those alligator tears for the couch and your mom, sister, or other best friend and get it all out, ladies.

Chime in and let me know your take.. add to the list.

Peace, love, and beautiful appropriately timed tears.

Mother Warrior