“There’s no CRYING in Baseball” A story about a woman's lack of Emotional Control.

Tom Hanks couldn’t have been more right as he yelled at an emotionally unstable Geena Davis in the 80’s hit movie A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN.  

Flash forward 20 years to a few weeks ago when I learned first hand why.  I had the opportunity for an impromptu meeting with my more then busy boss.  I had been planning to call a meeting to discuss a few matter that were pretty deeply heartfelt.  I had laid out a plan, a systematic approach to the matters at hand and even  probable solutions to my dilemmas.  The meeting was not life or death by any means. In fact, what I had to say probably was all in a day's work for my boss.  But I had the opportunity to talk on the spur of the moment so I went in EMOTIONALLY unprepared.  Embarrassing as it sounds, I’ll be honest, I took one look at his face and my eyes started to well up.  

(Please understand that I spent the better part of my life in the theater training to be emotionally available at the drop of a hat ...at least that’s my excuse:)

I could see the smiling corners of his mouth turn down and his eye took on a very serious stare. He was probably expecting me to tell him I had a rare inoperable form of cancer.  Fear not, it was nothing of the sort.

I immediately apologized for my lack of emotional control cleared my throat and proceeded to go over my presentation without a tear … BUT the damage had been done.   We agreed on all matters and all went well, but there was something there that I couldn’t shake all night.  Here is what it was.

As soon as a tear hit my face our communication stopped working right and he went into “help the crying woman” man mode.  He was sideswiped and thrown off track by my emotions. He was left on an uneven playing field for open communication.  What if I didn’t like what he had to say, would I cry again?  It wasn’t fair and it is not fair. So I thought long and hard on this and here is what I came up with.

Men have natural aggressive urges to fight and behave in dominance, but modern society has demanded these behaviors be adapted in men because they are proven to be out of control and dangerous.  Meanwhile, us ladies are free to express our emotional state and go around crying and having mood swings that are supposedly justifiable.  I say BS!  

It’s time to cut the crap and save your bad day crying fit for your bedroom and your trusty pillow.  Yes, men need to get out that aggression still and have found safe and healthy ways to do so.  Us ladies need to follow suit and find ways to curb that PMS and shoestring emotional state.

I  chalked it all up to probably just being me and my past theater experience. I vowed to keep working on this mountain and carried on.

Right after my incident I was coaching a KOKORO camp and had a lady going through.  She performed well and had plenty of strengths to make it through the camp, this was obvious.  She began to cry about 10 hours into the event and it wasn’t just crying.. she was bawling! Her male teammates were horrified and the male coaching staff assisted  with her pack.  It all became crystal clear to me. She didn’t mean to manipulate the situation, but her lack of emotional control dominated the whole evolution. Flashback from that event to several KOKORO’s that I have assisted with.  I can clearly remember several elite Crossfit Games Female Athletes doing this same this, bawling like someone died.  I get it!  I don’t blame them, but I do hope that we all can do a much better job than this.  

It is time to step up and take accountability for this lack of emotional control and do something about it.  It is natural but it is NOT ok to render others helpless to our emotional state.  So here is my plan.

1. No crying at the place of work, unless I take some time to “get it out” in a private place.
2. No crying at parties.  We have all witnessed the drunk girl crying her eyes out at the bar or party.  If you're feeling unstable, call and UBER and get going home. IT’s A PARTY for god sake.
3. No crying at restaurants.  This is a public place and the other guests have the right to a calm peaceful good time.  Think of it as a public party.

It’s a start anyway.  BTW a touching tear rolling down the ole cheek as your BFF is proposed to is a-ok!  No sobbing because you're never a bride and always the bridesmaid:) Save those alligator tears for the couch and your mom, sister, or other best friend and get it all out, ladies.

Chime in and let me know your take.. add to the list.

Peace, love, and beautiful appropriately timed tears.

Mother Warrior

Mother Warrior Conquers a Dirty Oven with Vinegar and Baking Soda.

Conquering a Dirty Oven with Vinegar and Baking Soda. Does is really work?  Find out here. 

Here is a picture of the final product.  Took about 15 minutes of scrubbing and still not perfect .  I am sure if you worked on it for a while longer it would get all of the burnt stuff off the bottom. If you don't wait 4 years to clean  your oven, I'm sure it would be perfectly clean in 5 minutes.:)))  I'm far from perfect and good with that!!!

"I am what I am ,Thank god!... some people just don't understand." Jimi Hendrix.

Just be the best you that you can be.

Preparing to perform in a life or death situation.

Preparing to perform in a  life or death situation.

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Her dark eyes blankly stared at the ceiling of the white SUV.  Her mouth hung open but no breath filled her lungs.  The leather seat was dripping with urine.

Screams of fear and heart ache, loss, and anger rang in the air.  “MY MOTHER STOPPED BREATHING!  HELP ME!!!! PLEEEASSSE SOMEONE HELP ME! SHE CAN’T BREATH!  SHE NEEDS HELP! CALL 911! “ 

The 68 ish , 165 lb ish, stout mother of Asian descent could have been dead already for all I knew.  What was clear to me was that no one in my immediate vicinity had the ability to handle this situation. 

The check list rapidly fired through my head in what seemed an instant. 

#1 She can’t breath and who know how long she has been this way.

#2 The emergency professionals on hand that worked at the weekend care clinic were frozen with lack of knowledge or fearing litigation.

#3 No one in the surrounding area was physically strong enough to lift this woman out of that vehicle and perform CPR.

I didn't think much more then that before I found myself threading my arms around the woman’s middle section and violently squeeze the life back into her passive body. I gave her 2 or 3 good pumps and she gasped for air. Like a reverse Heimlich maneuver.  

The clinic staff by now had provided a wheel chair to transport the woman to a controlled environment but didn't offer any help to move her.  I lifted her out of the SUV and placed her in the wheel chair. Urine now dribbling down my legs and into my flip flops.  Her legs were stuck in the front seat of the vehicle and the medical people STILL offered no assistance.  The daughter of the woman finally calmed down enough to get her mother’s legs unjammed.  Meanwhile, I am steadily giving her chest squeezes hoping I am doing some good. 

As we finally settle her sagging body into the wheel chair I check her vitals one last time. Her eyes have closed and with my face close to her mouth I hear her groan.  I smooth her hair out of her face and whisper to her that she is doing great and keep fighting.

So now that you know how this situation unfolded, you should know a few details of the event to get a clear picture.  As you may have surmised, we were in front of a ready care clinic that takes very minor medical conditions.  If there was a doctor there, I never saw one. 

Next, my daughter had just finished her championship softball game, awards ceremony, and at this point I was dragging her to her 30 minute recital rehearsal with no leotard or shoes.  Of course we were running late as well.  The dance studio is right next store to the clinic and that is how I happened upon this situation.

The mother’s adult daughter, about my age, and 2 young granddaughters of about 10 years old were frantically on hand as well as a clinic nurse and receptionist and several clinic patients that had been waiting to be seen in the lobby.

My daughter Lilli was watching the whole event as well, clutching my purse that I had flung aside.

I feel in my heart that I was absolutely supposed to be at that place at that time and I consider it a privilege.  You can think what you will about fate.  I have spent 6 years doing SEALFIT and training as a warrior.  Some think it strange. Some have said “midlife crisis”.  I enjoy what I do and the opportunities of my job and take every bit of wisdom and incite that Commander Mark Divine and our team have to offer. Saturday May 2^nd it all paid off. I was able to use a practiced skill set to make a difference and step up.  I could go on about this for a long time but I won’t.  I will simply refer you to the Unbeatable Mind program if you want to see what I have been studying.

I will mention three of the most important skills that came into play in this situation and hope that if you are faced with a dire circumstance you might remember my words.

1.        I removed myself mentally from the immediate crisis and viewed the situation as a witness.  This is an amazing technique that allows you to slightly disassociate from the mayhem and see things from a larger perspective. This will create a calm for you that will allow you to respond quickly and effectively.  For me the big picture was an upset family, sick lady, no help.

2.       Front site focus then came into play.  This is a bit like tunnel vision and your senses take in the immediate situation and quickly analysis all the factors shutting out the rest of the outside world. .  You tune out the unnecessary things and hone in on the most important details.  I heard details like “can’t breathe, call 911, and inhaler ”.  These cues all told me to expect a closed airway. I needed to work to get air in her and keep her heart going. 

3.       Making quick decisions.   I had to act.  Now I have taken extensive CPR training but never had to use it.  The last CPR course I took was from a woman who wore very little clothing and had enormous breasts.  Needless to say it was quite distracting and I wondered if I would remember anything after finishing the course.  But I did!  I am not picking on my CPR instructor, in fact I am paying that lady a compliment.  She asked for a volunteer to help her demo a variation of a chest compression (the exact move I used) and every guy in the rooms hand shot up to volunteer. I remembered that move and how much we all giggled doing it to one another.  It seemed so absurd at the time.

4.       Most importantly, I had to trust my instincts. I had to listen to that inner voice that said “get in there and do whatever it takes”.  I had all the tools to help her even though I never had to use them.

For the last few days I have hyper analyzed the event. Did I do the best that I could of?  Did I do everything right?  Probably not.  But I did do something.  Something decisive. 

So you are probably wondering if she survived. I can’t say for sure. The medics could only tell me that she had a pulse when the ambulance took her away but I know in my heart that she is alright.  I can feel it just as I could feel the life flood back into her body when she started to breathe.  I will probably never see that family again.  Happy Mother’s day where ever you are.

Be prepared and live and die trying.

Mother Warrior.

Living a dream and how I learned to FLY a plane.

I have jumped out of a small aircraft strapped to a man upon my back and cycled through the air in a surreal freefall that felt more like I was stuck in a huge wind tunnel rather than rushing to earth at 115 miles an hour for 60 seconds.  It was a rush no doubt. The last thing the pilot said to me before I exited the plane was, “How does it feel to be jumping out of a perfectly good plane?”  That question forced me to agree in mind to the complete lunacy and bravado of the event.  I survived and tell the story.  Would I do it again?  Perhaps after the children are grown.

I enjoyed that experience and understanding that sensation and would never go back and change a thing.  But, it seems anyone CAN jump out of a perfectly good airplane. But not everyone can FLY the plane you jump out of.  I imagined being a pilot to be an elite profession like being a doctor or being a lawyer.  I imagined that if you need X amount of tandem jumps skydiving and an exorbitant amount of cash to invest, surly becoming a pilot would be 10 fold.  Not to mention the knowledge involved in the pursuit.  Are you with me on this?  But my thoughts remained that this would be a much more useful and exciting achievement.  One that I would hope to someday have the opportunity to experience.

Flash forward to about a month ago.  I am wasting time waiting for my child to finish up a ballet lesson and checking out the never-ending ways to spend the money I don’t have on Living Social and there it is.  Flight Lessons regularly $350. Today $150. 45 minutes of instruction and 45 minutes of flight.  OK!!!   Sounds amazing!  Too good to be true!  Oh, and just 2 miles from my doorstep at the Palomar airport!  I hastily buy 2.  I immediately have buyer’s remorse as I paid on a Credit card that I am trying to pay off.  I have been working for years on not being an impulsive buyer.  What’s done is done and I call it a Birthday gift to myself, (my bday is in June and this is January).  I don’t stress out to much about it as I can imagine for $150 it will be more or less a joy ride around North County then a hard sell.  Boy was I surprised!!!

I will begin the story with: It was one of the best days of my life.  I race around on a Sunday getting my kids to a friend’s house for the 3 hours I will need.  I am cutting it close as I pull into the only obvious parking area at the airport, the bar and lounge area and flight school.  No lie.  I consider… I hop out of my car and I am on my way.  I open the only logical door ,that is not the lounge, and enter.  A large kind man greets me by name as if he knows me.   We head up to his office where I have assumed there will be manuals, charts, radio play of the tower, goggles, and the flight log I am supposed to keep.  I am ready to sit down and hit the books for a good 45 minutes of lessonage.  Instead Jason hands me a black leather satchel, grabs another for his self and we proceed to the aircraft.

The plane is a Cessna, 3 seater with a cabin half the size of my Prius.  Think golf cart here.  We throw the bags in the back seat.  The seats and interior are so similar to my 1964 dodge dart with push button transmission it is eerie!  We start the preflight check of the outside of the plane. All looks good to me and I learn quite a bit!  The fuel is blue.  If it were white, that would mean jet fuel and we would blow up in flight after about 6 minutes…. I am assuming it is a rare mistake of the maintenance crew but one worth mentioning?  Jason also informs me that the satchel is a prop to hold my door jimmied open in case we crash.  The bag stuck in the crack of the door will ultimately force the door off the hinges sparing me being crushed or gutted by my own door. Also water is much heavier then fuel. FYI . As we inspect the plane it is clear by the ridiculously bendable and thin aluminum rudder that this plane is super light.  Only weighs about 1200lbs. 

Time to check out our control panel.  I imagined this part would float right over my head.  This would be the part where the nice instructor glosses over the panel, shows me the steering wheel, and big red button. Meanwhile handling all the dirty work himself.   That is NOT at all how this went.  Jason my awesome and stupendous instructor made it clear at that point that I would be taking off, flying, and landing this baby.  I still thought he was joking and working the empowerment angle. But he wasn't!  He made sure I understood the Throttle, the stabilizers, the elevator, and the ailerons and how to control them.  There was also a wheel thingy that had a huge amount of importance.  We went through a systems check as we taxied around. You steer with your feet while the plane is on the ground FYI. We had a very brief delay waiting for the tower to clear us…too brief.  I started to tense up just as we got our go.  As I steered with my feet to the midline of the runway, Jason instructed me to keep my right hand on the throttle and my left on the Steer wheel.  As I pulled the throttle and the plane started to pick up speed, Jason instructed me to pull the steering wheel toward me and in seconds I had taken off the ground and was headed toward the great blue Pacific Ocean.  Holy Shit!  I did it!!! 

My nose was headed up and my speed was pressing forward. I couldn't see anything through the windshield but blue sky. 

For the nest 45 minutes Jason effortlessly and thoughtful taught me how to turn the plane, ascend and descend, deal with winds and make adjustments, make an annoying passenger sick, perform an emergency landing, and most importantly how to relax.  I was able to enjoy the gift of flight in such a basic and pure state that I felt such elation and joy beyond measure.  My breath was lost, my heart was full, and I could not hope for a better miracle than that very moment. 

As we started to head back, I still didn't believe that Jason would allow me to land this vessel. How could he trust me to land this plane?  He had never seen me drive a car or ride a bike.  For god sakes it would take me several session to skydive alone if I had wanted to. What the H? Go for it land my plane and potentially take my life.  His confidence was infectious.  OK, if you say so Jason.  I will give it my best.  As we start to descend in our final approach he keeps barking instructions. Push in the throttle ,stay center, wings down, drop landing gear, slow down, pull up on the steering wheel, PULL UP< PULL UP <PUUULLL UP!!!! And we have landed!   I was beyond myself completely and he taxied us off the center of the runway. Then he immediately gave me instruction to go park the plane.

As he pushed the plane to its parking space I was lost for words as I grabbed the wood chunk that goes behind the tire to secure the plane.  I am finally able to sputter, “You really didn't help me land the plane!  I didn't feel you helping me at all with the steering wheel!!!”  To this Jason the best instructor in the world replied,” You didn't need any help or I would of. Besides, I hate to fly!  Did you think I was going to take you for a nice little joy ride today? You came here to fly a plane and that is exactly what you did.”

Thank you for making my dream come true Jason.  Thank you for teaching me to <FLY>

Biting off just the right amount in Life!

 I am pretty active.  I follow the SEALFIT fitness code for the most part which keeps my fitness very functional and always changing.  Part of that code is CROSSFIT.  I am a level 1 certified coach of almost 2 years with several other personal training and coaching certifications.  I have spent a good amount of time mapping out how to create optimal fitness.  Here is what I do.


My week of fitness lines up like this:
3 days of short ( 30-40 min) high intensity, interval Crossfit WODS (Workouts Of the Day).
2 Days of longer period exercise like surfing for 2 hours, running distance, or doing a 2 hour SEALFIT workout.
2 Days of weight training and skill development. Skill development might be gymnastics, Olympic weight lifting, or fight training... jujitsu, combat, Qi Gong. ( couple this with the High Intensity once a week)
1 Full Day of Rest

 I also sprinkle in playing catch with the kids, handstands on the beach, yoga every morning, dancing, and other fun stuff.



My fitness programming is so great for my purposes.  I don't intend to be competitive at this stage in the game but love to learn new things.

So maybe this is SOOOOO not up your alley of interest.  I wanted to give you a brief outline of what this aspect of my life looks like because I am now learning to PROGRAM in a similar fashion my work, home life, and even education.



Basically I have a series of short, medium, and long workouts.  They are either high intensity, skill, or endurance based.



If I took my parenting moments into this concept for a week , it could look like this :

3 days of:  Morning ( HIGH INTENSITY) moving to get the kids ready for school.  This is getting dressed, breakfast, gathering your things to leave.  You can add in some music or a splash to your breakfast here to keep it lively and enjoyable!
Then a medium length, medium intensity evening with "Skill Development". This might be the time when you help them develop there reading skills, homework, or even artistic skill.  A great opportunity to spend quality time and give them that extra attention they need from you.

2 Days of : Morning ( HIGH INTENSITY) moving to get the kids ready for school.
Then "Endurance" mixed with "Skill" through the extra curricular activities that you get them too and from... dance , soccer, hockey, baseball, piano...etc.
Back home for the cool down of a (MEDIUM INTENSITY) dinner, homework, and bedtime.

2 Days, AKA the weekend, you get your kids for the KIDDY KOKORO ( which is a mix of all time and intensity domains with extra fun thrown in:)  Enjoying trips, sleepovers, good food, family time, movies,pillow fights and relaxation.



Seems like you have all your bases filled  and boxes checked in the "Good Parenting" category operating on this level right?  Well, things happen and it isn't always so peachy but it is a great schedule to strive for.  The intent is to have great, full, loving, and fun moments with manageability.

Repeat for your career/ work environment.

It seems obvious that we would do this and some of us DO schedule and plan to nauseum ! I think the better the plan the EASIER it is to cut the strings and have fun in the moments! Shoot driving my kids is always a GREAT time. We listen to favorite music and talk about the day spent apart from each other... unless someone got in trouble in school. Then it turns into  Lecture- Q-tion time ( as my son calls it). HAAA

Have a great time out there and PLAN to succeed in having great happiness.

Warrior Mother.

Mother Warrior embracing being "The Leader" and "The Support team"!

We are born into this world as THE BOSS.  Our folks must cater to our every little whim.. THEN-
Bam we succeed through some 12 years of being told exactly what to do.  Wash your hands, shut the door, turn down the music, be home in an hour, do your homework.. so on and so on.

Suddenly, we are in puberty and ready to tell the BOSS what's up.  We suddenly feel that we could potentially survive in the wild without our folks so we proceed to drive them to kick us out of there homes. We have become the BOSS again.

This scenario works out to the more or lesser of extremes for most of us.

We move on to college or the professional world where we either become even more of "the boss" in the college environment .Paying rent, scheduling our lives, eating what we want etc.  Or, we take on a low paying entry level job where we are NOT "the boss".  BTW the college route only buys us a few years of being the BOSS before we get slapped across the face with entry level job AND huge student loan payments.

Finally after many years as the proverbial "Beeitch" we start to move up the ladder.. new "Beeitchs" come under you.  You start to feel stable and good. You meet a special someone and figure out WHEN each of you get to be the "BOSS" and the "Beeitch" in the relationship.

We see some many people struggle with the support role. Some are too overbearing as the Leader role.   I see many people enjoy being led, getting  lazy and let others do the dirty work all the time too. 

When I asked those who had gone before me in KOKORO what I should expect, a few people told me, "You will lead and you will follow and you will overcome together".

As I passed through those 5o some hours, I must say,

many times I was more comfortable following.  Let's face it the hot seat can really suck.  So I transfer that to life.

Leading and being the boss is hard and impossible if you don't have a great team.  Following sucks if you always think you should be the leader.  I believe the more you can enjoy both roles and the opportunity both bring, the happier you will live.

I took an amazing parenting class a year ago.  The main focus of the class was to empower your child.  Even when there is little choice in the matter it is always great to let them lead as much as possible.  This will help them grow up not feeling like they HAVE to be in control because they had NO control as a child.

For example:  My daughter Lilli HAS to go to her ballet rehearsal.  My choice for her is what would she like to do after?  Watch a little TV or stop for a Slurpee??? 

I also try and let them choose there own punishments !  They are so funny giving themselves much harsher punishment then I would have chosen .

Maybe you have gotten into a position in your job or relationship where you are stuck in the lead or as the support.  Time to switch it up.  Give the boss a chance to sit back and see what the big picture looks like while you hold the reigns.   Maybe you need to let the much deserving intern take on the big project and support their efforts.  How about your husband,wife, or partner?  Let your partner plan out the weekend .  Let your spouse schedule the kids for the week.

Here are a few of my own simple rules to LEADING and FOLLOWING( Being in the Support role).

 To Be A Great Leader
1. HAVE A PLAN.. and a good one.
2. Make sure it suits as many teamates as possible.. this can be challenging.
3. Stay in charge and don't give up 
4. Be ready to change the plans/course of action... have a plan B.
5.  Always remain calm and positive.

To Be A Great Support
1. Support the Journey and Leader with positivity!
2. Be Grateful!
3.  Be Ready to take the lead at your leaders request.
4. Enjoy the ride using this time to formulate your plans for when it's your time to lead.
4. Trust your leader has your best intentions.


Remember, it takes a great deal of stress to lead all the time and be in charge.  You are always responsible for the outcome of EVERYTHING> everyone needs the opportunity to sit back and smell the flowers and experience trust in another judgement.
Also Remember how easy it is to follow all the time, no stress, no responsibility but you are also dependant on another all the time.. can be scary.

Go on out there and appreciate your leaders and your team. 

Mother Warrior

Mommified Warrior in ROCK TAPE Class!!

So maybe you've had some success with the fore site planning in the Mornings?  It takes practice!!! THEN you can't oversleep or you  will lose all the benefits  by rushing around to just wash up and eat breakfast.  I've made that mistake before.  Ultimately, I am bringing you to the next step... 6-10 minutes of morning stretching!!  Below you will see a video that will "Encourage " you to move that Sh@# around in the morning.

This past weekend thanks to my amazing boss and job , I had the opportunity to take a Fascia Movement Taping, (or kinesiology taping) , certification with ROCK TAPE.  If you know anything about this technique you are definitely thinking, "it's all in your head".  Well Yes, Yes it is all in your head, and on your arms, legs, torso, feet , hands and over your whole body!!!  The taping has a wide berth of use from pain management, scar repair, posture correction, and physical performance enhancement to name a few.  Right?!!  Who knew?  My favorite part was a video my instructor Ed played on our Inner Fuzz.  It seems as we sleep at night we  grow a sort of fibrous fuzz that makes you stiff in the morning.  If you don't move it around .. move yourself around .. get some exercise ... you will become more and more stiff and the fuzz will win and make you a slow stiff turtle person.

Watch this video and see what I mean about the fuss.. I think it is like muscle mold!!!!

http://youtu.be/BdRqLrCF_Ys

Is he great or what?

Go jog, run, walk, rehab your hurt spots, take care of your body!!!

If you have a good fitness level, triple the below.  If you have a lot of "Fuzz" modify all movements , find examples on Youtube and be gentle.


5 rounds of :

10 push ups
10 sit ups
10 squats
10 super man's
10 lunges each side

You can do this during your favorite show after the kids are in bed.

Go out there and make yourself proud.

Mother Warrior